guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
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