Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
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