omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
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