im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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