mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
Randomize
