I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
He? As in you personified your dick?
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
