his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Randomize
