Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Randomize
