Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
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