I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
