His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Randomize
