fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
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