WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
