I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
Randomize
