You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
