He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
I have post one night stand depression
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
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