you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
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