im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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