is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Randomize
