i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
True strength comes from lack of pants
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
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