her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
