Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
and you fell through a lawn chair
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize