I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
