is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize
