fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Randomize
