There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
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