i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
only you would photoshop your dick
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
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