i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
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