Texts From Last Night

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  (818): View more from California

  I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.

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  (818): I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got. http://tfl.nu/vmp4
  Replies (27) Good night (1813) Bad night (5817)
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  (256): View more from Alabama

  I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.

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  (256): I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them. http://tfl.nu/zwx2
  Replies (31) Good night (1491) Bad night (5490)
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  (973): View more from New Jersey

  random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.

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  (973): random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question. http://tfl.nu/ra0q
  Replies (17) Good night (6408) Bad night (1341)
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  (917): View more from New York City

  you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit

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  (917): you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit http://tfl.nu/h4ki
  Replies (7) Good night (4799) Bad night (1376)
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  (480): View more from Arizona

  ... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?

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  (480): ... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen? http://tfl.nu/sppe
  Replies (17) Good night (3583) Bad night (1608)
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  (518): View more from New York

  you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was

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  (518): you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was http://tfl.nu/ydfc
  Replies (14) Good night (4841) Bad night (1069)
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  (647): View more from Ontario

  making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.

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  (647): making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself. http://tfl.nu/as80
  Replies (8) Good night (1322) Bad night (2994)
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  (662): View more from Mississippi

  She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.

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  (662): She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list. http://tfl.nu/gj4y
  Replies (21) Good night (3456) Bad night (1095)
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  (609): View more from New Jersey

  Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.

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  (609): Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him. http://tfl.nu/6jaw
  Replies (9) Good night (2838) Bad night (624)
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  (417): View more from Missouri

  her dad gauges his nipple piercings.

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  (417): her dad gauges his nipple piercings. http://tfl.nu/b294
  Replies (8) Good night (535) Bad night (1718)
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  (970): View more from Colorado

  he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.

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  (970): he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again. http://tfl.nu/v15v
  Replies (4) Good night (1415) Bad night (454)
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  (702): View more from Nevada

  Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.

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  (702): Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors. http://tfl.nu/41jv
  Replies (3) Good night (767) Bad night (359)
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  (508): View more from Massachusetts

  My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night

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  (508): My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night http://tfl.nu/kcjw
  Replies (3) Good night (993) Bad night (349)
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  (540): View more from Virginia

  LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.

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  (540): LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA. http://tfl.nu/huba
  Replies (3) Good night (737) Bad night (446)
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  (732): View more from New Jersey

  I tried to put my heels in the coat check

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  (732): I tried to put my heels in the coat check http://tfl.nu/bort
  Replies (1) Good night (288) Bad night (140)

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