Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
25 Shocking High School Scandals You Won’t Believe Are True
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms