I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
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