Texts From Last Night

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  (902): View more from Pr Edwrd Is, Nva Sctia

  and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.

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  (902): and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted. http://tfl.nu/575h
  Replies (136) Good night (7836) Bad night (56043)
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  (425): View more from Washington

  my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.

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  (425): my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired. http://tfl.nu/08pz
  Replies (4) Good night (943) Bad night (2048)
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  (770): View more from Georgia

  I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them

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  (770): I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them http://tfl.nu/31n4
  Replies (25) Good night (745) Bad night (4569)
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  (650): View more from California

  i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick

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  (650): i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick http://tfl.nu/pgxx
  Replies (39) Good night (3887) Bad night (1191)
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  (519): View more from Ontario

  how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.

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  (519): how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail. http://tfl.nu/ymgr
  Replies (7) Good night (862) Bad night (3467)
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  (860): View more from Connecticut

  you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict

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  (860): you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict http://tfl.nu/am6o
  Replies (11) Good night (2517) Bad night (2182)
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  (310): View more from California

  You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected

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  (310): You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected http://tfl.nu/stz5
  Replies (4) Good night (2799) Bad night (1017)
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  (336): View more from North Carolina

  i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter

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  (336): i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter http://tfl.nu/ntue
  Replies (7) Good night (2647) Bad night (967)
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  (812): View more from Indiana

  After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.

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  (812): After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything. http://tfl.nu/te7o
  Replies (9) Good night (1449) Bad night (671)
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  (937): View more from Ohio

  Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron

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  (937): Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron http://tfl.nu/gvqp
  Replies (1) Good night (641) Bad night (408)
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  (314): View more from Missouri

  Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?

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  (314): Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave? http://tfl.nu/zqej
  Replies (3) Good night (647) Bad night (244)
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  (312): View more from Illinois

  I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in

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  (312): I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in http://tfl.nu/almk
  Replies (7) Good night (545) Bad night (342)
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  (714): View more from California

  So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place

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  (714): So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place http://tfl.nu/9hat
  Replies (5) Good night (713) Bad night (273)
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  (727): View more from Florida

  The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.

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  (727): The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now. http://tfl.nu/gkpn
  Replies (3) Good night (546) Bad night (272)
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  (701): View more from North Dakota

  Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.

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  (701): Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue. http://tfl.nu/sj73
  Replies (1) Good night (582) Bad night (159)

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