Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Randomize
