Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(440): View more from Ohio

It looked like if robin williams had a vagina

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(440): It looked like if robin williams had a vagina http://tfl.nu/jvnv

Replies (5) Good night (660) Bad night (2834)
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(208): View more from Idaho

We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.

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(208): We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands. http://tfl.nu/sr1t

Replies (26) Good night (6185) Bad night (1009)
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(608): View more from Wisconsin

Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?

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(608): Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother? http://tfl.nu/8hut

Replies (8) Good night (4150) Bad night (1239)
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(401): View more from Rhode Island

I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.

(401): View more from Rhode Island

Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.

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(401): I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants. (401): Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean. http://tfl.nu/96j7

Replies (29) Good night (6315) Bad night (1267)
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(210): View more from Texas

I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.

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(210): I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high. http://tfl.nu/oo1s

Replies (16) Good night (3210) Bad night (1069)
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(614): View more from Ohio

She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?

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(614): She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper? http://tfl.nu/v6av

Replies (13) Good night (1535) Bad night (3627)
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(405): View more from Oklahoma

She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.

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(405): She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together. http://tfl.nu/gjnv

Replies (7) Good night (3844) Bad night (1065)
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(204): View more from Manitoba

we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.

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(204): we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please. http://tfl.nu/1hgr

Replies (2) Good night (811) Bad night (1247)
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(206): View more from Washington

I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.

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(206): I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python. http://tfl.nu/mdf6

Replies (5) Good night (1008) Bad night (595)
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(416): View more from Toronto

Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?

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(416): Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground? http://tfl.nu/za9i

Replies (19) Good night (1315) Bad night (568)
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(785): View more from Kansas

He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.

(785): View more from Kansas

Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"

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(785): He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him. (785): Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!" http://tfl.nu/v4v8

Replies (5) Good night (1129) Bad night (440)
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(830): View more from Texas

So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?

(1-830): View more from Texas

Jeans and a nice top.

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(830): So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law? (1-830): Jeans and a nice top. http://tfl.nu/z19e

Replies (4) Good night (864) Bad night (512)
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(631): View more from New York

Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.

(1-631): View more from New York

That's 30 minutes too many.

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(631): Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there. (1-631): That's 30 minutes too many. http://tfl.nu/4o2n

Replies (2) Good night (800) Bad night (501)
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(323): View more from California

Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.

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(323): Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd. http://tfl.nu/ari3

Replies (4) Good night (422) Bad night (322)
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(860): View more from Connecticut

You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island

(1-860): View more from Connecticut

Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then

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(860): You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island (1-860): Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then http://tfl.nu/u0l8

Replies (2) Good night (714) Bad night (261)

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