i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
my poor anus
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen