Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
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I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
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I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.