I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Randomize
