My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
