chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
My life is pants optional.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
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