All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
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