I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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