After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
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the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
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Come back. Shots need mouths.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
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