I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
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the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
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do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
You're breaking my sexual little heart
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
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