I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Randomize
