Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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