i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Randomize
