Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Randomize
