Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
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