Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
The struggles of a small town man whore
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Randomize
