While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
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