Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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