i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
