I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
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