Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
my being single is dangerous.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
