just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
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he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
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I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
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