I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
