just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
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