You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
