We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
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