walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Randomize
