Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Randomize
