I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
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