my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Randomize
