Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
They have beer where we have blood.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Randomize
