He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
