Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Randomize
