ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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