And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
