and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
