Moan for me like Helen Keller
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
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The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
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Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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