Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize