They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Randomize
