there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
