At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
