I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
