I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
