i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
You ever have a fart follow you around?
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