What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
FIrst one done
How did it go?
I dunno I taled about women being treated wrong and quoted Ice T. So probably a "c"
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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