Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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