just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
