Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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