i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Randomize
