i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Randomize
