you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
