I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
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