I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
