We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
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