and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
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