she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
