If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
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