i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
