Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
just tell him i said nine months
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Randomize
